A Cat Pooping on My Life
Dad’s Gonna Lose It!
I had just changed the locks on our patio door and was feeling rather safe about the new alterations to our home’s security. The windows were sealed, the doors locked, and 135lbs of dogs sleeping in our bedroom. I had nothing to worry about, except, somehow, a cat pooping on our rug!
The morning after having changed the locks I walked out of the bedroom, and, looking into the living room, I saw something that just didn’t make sense. In four different places there was poop. Not as though the dog had had an accident, more like something had eaten a dinner of ghost peppers and decided my living room resembled a toilet. It was sprayed everywhere! I was horrified.
Having a weak stomach I shooed everyone from the room so they would not hear my gagging and choking while I played janitor. After the deed was done I shared my suspicion with my wife that one of the dogs ate something stupid as I had left the gate open the previous night by mistake. They spent most of the day outside.
The following night I made sure the gate was closed and the dogs were safely locked in our bedroom. The next morning, Groundhog’s day. After another hour’s scrubbing our home was restored and I began to consider different explanations. Either our kid had crawled from bed, undressed, and relieved himself of horrifying diarrhea or an animal was breaking in and doing so. I believed at this moment our visitor was a cat pooping to mark his territory.
In the pantry I found what I thought was the problem. A hole where the pipes for the water heater entered the house was uncovered. So I sealed it. No more cat pooping on the rug! The deed was done and the nightmare was over!
The following morning I was proven wrong. I wandered into our living room and again was greeted by a scene from a really bad, repetitive horror movie! Again, I cleansed the area with bleach. Then I walked into the master bathroom to take a shower. That’s when the truth became obvious. I had been right. There was a stray cat pooping on our rug! And I had found his entryway beyond all measure of probability.
The laundry was his undoing. The basket sat at the end of our shower and there, on a towel hanging over the edge of the basket, were two small paw prints that I instantly recognized as a cat’s prints. Why was this cat pooping on our carpet and his entrance in our bathroom beyond all probability? Because the master is on the other end of the master bedroom, away from the living room. Past a 60lbs Rottweiler mix and a 75lbs Aussie mix.
Apparently this cat was entering through a hole in our bathtub that had not been capped off yet. I had intended to build shelves there for towels and knick-knacks, but for the time the end of the tub was exposed to the house. Beyond the open end of the tub there would be a hole where the pipes entered the house. This cat pooping on our rug had made his way through that hole, crawled under the tub, out the open end, crept beyond the dogs without waking them or me, leapt the gate and proceeded to shit on the damned rug! Then had done the whole thing in reverse to escape!
How it had done this was beyond me. But the evidence was clear. I blocked in the end of the tub and the next morning, surprise! No cat poop. The horror was over. I was still left with the question of why this cat had risked life and limb to shit in my house. Also, why was this bastard cat pooping on the only rug in my entire house? Wood floors throughout, and those are easily cleaned, but no. The rug has been replaced. If I ever find another mystery cat pooping on the new rug I’m throwing a match at this place and walking away.
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