Christmas Comes But Once A Year
It’s Christmas time! Lights are going up, music fills the air, people consider replacing their old Christmas tree with a new one. It’s so nice to see people spreading holiday joy throughout the land! It seems like any morning I could wake to find carolers on my front lawn singing the dawn to life.
The only problem with this little fantasy is that it’s not even Halloween yet! I like Christmas as much as the next guy, but 3 months of it is a little much. Who in their right mind wants to listen to songs, for a quarter of the year, about some stranger breaking into their house in the dead of night to drop of presents for their children?
Personally I love Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday, bar none, for several reasons.
- You don’t have to visit relatives.
- No need to cook outlandish meals.
- No need to buy presents (for people to return later).
- There’s Chocolate involved.
- You’re encouraged to scare people.
- Dressing like a superhero is not frowned upon.
These are just a few reasons, but, honestly, I love everything about Halloween. I like seeing the children’s costumes and passing out candy. And decorating for Halloween is my favorite part. I feel that the holiday is not successful unless a child pisses himself before he can make it to my door. Scary stories and creepypastas fill the air in my house for a solid month before.
However, going to the store makes my blood boil. While walking to buy candy for Halloween last night I actually had to pass through a Christmas display. It’s October. I need to buy pumpkins for carving not trees for lighting. I need plastic spiders and poly-something-or-other webs. I DO NOT NEED A DAMN TREE YET.
Why is there Christmas in October?
In recent years the tendency towards stores pushing the envelope for winter holidays has become more and more extreme. Yes Halloween gets its fair shake as well, with new displays going up next to the summer clearance aisle in September. But Christmas, by far, takes the lion’s share of the year’s shelve time. Retailers start “leaking” Black Friday Deals in mid-October. Which lends a clue to their rather ingenious plan. You see, the Christmas displays are not technically to sell Christmas Decorations.
There will be some decorations sold even in October as the freaks in elf outfits come wondering out of their suburban holes. You know these types. They’re the ones that, on December 26th, post “364 days until Christmas!” in their respective social media accounts. But the reason for the displays is actually to push the consumer into a buying mindset. They’re meant to make you panic by tricking you into thinking that you’re nearly out of time and you have to get everyone’s presents.
But wait! There’s more!
It’s a two-fold approach. If you fall for it you’ll get everyone’s Christmas gifts early and before the first week of November you’ll have nothing to worry about until the holiday actually rolls around. Then comes Black Friday, the one day a year when it’s, apparently, okay for grown men to push down women and take the merchandise they were planning to buy. With no one left to buy for, you can pick up a Black Friday ad to look for a few things you’ve wanted. Might as well get it for a steal right?
So you go out and buy that 104 inch curved 4k ultra HD, 3d TV that you NEED so badly, and the store makes more money for it. By getting you to shop early, they’ve effectively still gotten their Christmas season money from you and tricked you into spending money you otherwise would not have. In recent years Stores have even been trying to figure out what to call the day before Black Friday. Black Thursday? Black Friday-eve? I remember when it was called Thanksgiving.
So what’s the true meaning of Christmas, Chalie Brown? Consumerism, apparently. Stores pay people millions of dollars a year to find out how to get a few more dollars from your wallet and every year millions of customers fall for it, hook, line and sinker. We’ve pushed consumerism into Christmas long enough, and hard enough, that it has now taken over a quarter of our lives.
Thanksgiving has nearly disappeared as a holiday because of Christmas season consumerism and yet we still buy everything these stores push on us. We buy the best gifts for our kids, and coolest gadgets for our house and we smile while we do it. We spend at breakneck speed for a quarter of the year in order to look as cool as the other idiots that spend at breakneck speed for a quarter of the year.
It’s sad, really. But there’s something you can do!
- Put your credit cards in a bucket.
- Pour a gallon of gasoline on top of your card.
- Throw a match at the bucket.
It’s that easy people. Put the credit card down! Stop letting people fool you into spending every dime you make and then spending against future income. Start enjoying the holidays for what they are. Halloween is for scaring the shit out of children. Thanksgiving is for meeting with family you purposefully avoid the rest of the year and telling them you should do it more often. Christmas is for disappointing your child with toys they don’t really want, but having fun anyway because you can actually play with them for a hew hours. It’s called bonding people. Look it up. And if you happen to be a Christian, there’s a guy that might like to be remembered at some point on Christmas. I’ll let you Google for more information about him.
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