Dad’s Gonna Lose It!
Preschool – Unleash the Heathens!
Our son begins preschool this year. That’s a terrifying concept. This child that I have rocked to sleep so many times over the past few years is finally taking his first steps on the path to manhood. This child that struggles with getting more food in his mouth than on his face is going to be turned loose into the world. What the hell are we thinking?
Its an exciting prospect, a child going to preschool, but I haven’t prepared for this. Is he going to hit the other kids if they try to play with a toy he wants? Will he suddenly decide class is a good place to run around in a circle screaming. What are the chances they have a tree in a corner and he thinks that’s a good place to have a piss? How many times will I be called in to speak with a teacher?
Who knows? Maybe he’ll be a little angel in class and save all of his pent up demons for when he gets home. I suppose that’s the best scenario here. He’ll drive his mother absolutely nuts and in turn me when she tells me about it, but at least it will mean he understands how to behave in public. All evidence to the contrary.
Maybe I’m overreacting and looking at the situation from the wrong point of view. Every year a new group of parents send their little heathens out into the world to be educated and brought into the fold of civilization. If most of those children can be functional in a public setting, perhaps mine can too. I never went to preschool myself so I really have no idea. Perhaps this is more like a structured play time for children and he’ll come home exhausted from hours of play. Maybe preschool will make life a little easier for his mother and I.
Or maybe on the first day he throws a rock at another kid, takes a piss in the front of the classroom and grabs the teacher’s ass. I suppose in a few months we’ll find out; when this grand adventure starts.
In the end, I have no idea what to expect from preschool. My wife says it’s a good idea and I’ll go along with that. It would be good for him to make friends outside of our friends’ kids and family members. I just hope that he can bottle the heathen inside up for 180 minutes a day.
I’m not prepared but I’m ready. I’m ready to help him onto the bus, and deal with all the screaming and crying. The pleading not to go and the dragging of feet and fighting and kicking that may well go along with the emotional outburst on the first day of school. But eventually I’ll calm his mother down and I’m sure she will see that our son was happy to get on the bus and go to school.
After the bus pulls away from our drive I’m sure we’ll get in the car, having taken the entire day off work and drive up to his preschool. There we will sit in a room of screaming, crying, snotty, sticky, absolutely insane children. And there we will watch our son join the fold of the uncivilized masses to begin his formal education.
I’m ready for this. I know what part I’m to play that day. I sit and listen to my wife as she reflects on how big our son is getting and that it’s happening too fast. Then after the children get on her nerves I will be there to say “I feel sorry for the teacher. Let’s just go home.”
Want more stories from my child’s preschool experience? Read School Pictures – Dad’s Gonna Lose It!
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