Dress for Succ-Sex!

You’re in the shower reliving fond memories of a time long since passed when you were a sexual deviant and there were no women safe from you. With a smirk on your face you get out of the shower still daydreaming about what a beast you were. Raw, animalistic instincts driving you forward; pure testosterone pumping through your veins. It was GLORIOUS! As you step back into your clothes, though and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror your smile starts to fade. That animal has been tamed. Not just tamed. It was beat into submission and left to die. What the hell happened to you?

Your once well-kept hair is graying around the edges and thinning in the middle and it’s been entirely too long since your last trim. Your salt and pepper beard sticks out wildly instead of being well-groomed. Look at those bags and wrinkles! Just what are you wearing? Stained gym shorts and a ripped t-shirt? What happened to the GQ photo shoot that stepped out of the pages and was brought to life in you?

Men I have bad news and good news. The bad news is you’re a slob. You dress like a slob, you don’t keep yourself as well groomed and you don’t take care of your body like you should. Maybe your hair is getting thinner or going grey. You’re starting to notice wrinkles around your eyes. When is the last time you put on deodorant while just hanging around the house? Your wife has noticed all the things you’re noticing now, and she’s had to deal with these slow changes for years. They’re part of the reason your sex-life, and possible your marriage in general is failing. It’s nature gentlemen. You’re plummage has become dull and brown and your mating dance is really just a two step with no rhythm. As such your mate is not seeing you as a mate so much as a partner. Maybe even more like a roommate.

The good news? You can change it. You won’t ever be that brash young man that your wife married again. You have to move past that. You can be something better though. Remember when you’re wife use to talk about that older actor she thought was so good-looking? She probably still thinks he’s a good-looking man. You have to move away from the young stud she dreamt about in her 20’s and become the sophisticated, older gentleman that she’s been dreaming about for decades. If you change your mode of thought you can learn how to make yourself age like a fine scotch instead of an open beer left in the sun.

The first step is to change your mindset. Let me ask you a simple question: Prior to being married, when your future wife came over what did you look like and what did your house look like? I know personally I was always well-groomed, smelled good, and kept my place tidy and as stress-free as possible. Let me ask you another question: What about now? Do you ever get dressed up for no other reason that looking good for your wife? Do you make sure your hair and beard are neat and trimmed? What do you smell like right now? Okay, that was 5 questions, but you get where I’m going. The first step is to change you mode of thinking. You need to stop thinking about your comfort and start thinking about your wife’s desires.

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You can argue with me here that your wife isn’t putting in the effort either, but your words will fall on deaf ears. Do you still want to have sex with her? Then she’s doing her job well enough. If not, then maybe you starting to look better will trigger her to want to do the same.

Now I’m not saying to get up in the morning, shower, shave and put on a three piece suit. You can if you want, but for our purposes keeping your beard and hair trimmed once a month(more than once for your beard if you have one) and putting on a pair of jeans without tears and a shirt without holes or stains will do the job. You really want to impress her? Make it a button down shirt and roll up the sleeves. Wear a belt, make sure your clothes fit well and make sure that you smell inviting. Accessories are a choice here, but you’ll never go wrong with a classy watch. Also, you have to wear shoes. Not your old shit-kickers, but a nice pair of leather shoes that are clean.

There’s also one VERY important factor in how your wife sees you. How many pieces of birthday cake did you have on your last birthday? That wedding band seem like it’s shrinking to you? Let me make this simple: is your weight within 15% of what it was when you got married? Unless you’ve become a body builder you need to make the effort to get it there and keep it there. This is going to do two things. It will make you more appealing to your wife and it will make you more confident in yourself. I’m not going to go into workout plans and diets and the science of the human anatomy here. You know how to do it. Eat less garbage, eat more good, whole foods, but fewer overall calories and get some more exercise. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, it can be slow and steady, just work toward your goal weight.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it. You’ll still be fairly comfortable, and the clothes will work well for light work around the house or a spontaneous night on the town. There’s no science here. It’s not some formula that will forever change our understanding of the cosmos. It’s a simple desire to look good for the woman that you love and a desire to make her want to be with you. Now go impress your wife.



Read our previous post “Is There Motion in Your Ocean here

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Posted in The Old Stuff.