Is There Motion in Your Ocean?

Is there motion in your ocean or did your ship run aground? When you got married did you think “You know? I could exercise celibacy with this person for the next 50-70 years.”? If so, stop reading now I can’t help you. No one can help you. But if you’re like every other red-blooded American male out there and just want to reignite the fire from your glory days when women the world over feared your spear and the bed crumpled beneath the power of your mighty thrust then read on!

You were once a newlywed with nothing but the future to look forward to and stars in your eyes. No dream was too big so long as your bride was by your side. All day at work all you wanted was to get home to her and at night all you wanted was to have sex until one or both of you passed out. New positions were more like a rest of last night’s heavily used muscle groups than a taboo to put the spice back in the relationship. Those were the days right? No stress, just care free time with your new wife, but all that time together usually comes to one inevitable end. Children.

All of the sudden your life changes. You’re exhausted 98% of the time and sleeping the other 2%. You drag through work, take care of what needs to be done at home and you and your wife pass out before your heads hit the pillows. Then an hour later you’re up with the baby. It’s okay, though because you know this time will pass. The kid will sleep more and be more independent every day. Then you can recover your sex life with the same passion and vigor that you once had. Right? Wrong.

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Rather than crying the kid shows up unannounced at your door. You’ve seen some of the most disgusting things ever produced come out of a human body. You’re still exhausted and so is your wife. And now you’ve taken to staying up later than everyone else so you can get some late night work done. Your sex life, when you have one is dull, quick and often times not worth it.

So how do you go about getting back what you once had? Is there a way to work within the confines of an impossible schedule and still make time to be with your wife? Is it all over? Is what was once an impressive sexual beast doomed to die a slow death from starvation? No. It will be all right. It will be different, but it will be okay.

The life you knew as a single man and a young newly-wed are gone. Lost to time. But humans, it turns out are remarkably adaptive beings and rather than letting your sex life die a horrific, slow death of disappointment you just need to learn to adapt. You can be king in your bedroom again, men!

This series will be ongoing. We will cover topics on how to make time for sex, how to dress and behave to keep your partner happy, how to operate at peak performance, how to keep things interesting, and much, much more over the coming weeks. Check back often for our latest posts and become the sexual deviant you always wanted to be!

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Posted in The Old Stuff.